How Do You Control?

Have you ever misused your power in a way that disabled your relationships or other opportunities?

Until I adjusted, with the help of bio feedback, to the consequences of my disabling crash and saw my possibilities, I had such an angry and resentful Attitude that the only control I had was the power to push people out of my life.

This negative power should be used with discretion.

My problem was that my disability resulted in actual physical damage to my head. And, as luck would have it, impaired my judgement and thereby my ability to use this negative power only when wise, which is almost never.

I can’t remember all the people and the various opportunities I pushed out of my life. I didn’t want to push them out. In fact, pushing them out made me feel terrible. So bad, in fact, that I’d do the best I could to track them down and apologize. I got so good at apologizing that I actually gave up trying to control what I said and just apologized a lot.

Control Your Attitude

The problem with this is that we all enjoy having friends. And no matter how smooth we get at apologizing, many people won’t be able to forget the thing being apologized for. Oh, they say they forgive us. They  assure us that they understand the medical reasons behind why we erupted like an emotional volcano. I’m sure they do forgive us, but everybody has enough drama in their life. Nobody’s looking to take on more unpleasantness.

And so, next time they have a choice where to spend their time, where do you suppose they’ll spend it? Would you rather spend time on a battlefield or in a sanctuary?

Bio Feedback Control

Disability or no disability, excuses, reasons and justifications get old and even the nicest people get tired of hearing them. Which is why I was extremely grateful a fellow speaker and doctor of psychology became a close friend who did a series of bio feedback sessions on me.

What a blessing! Bio feedback gave me back my ability to interact and maintain a calm and relaxed disposition. The most damaging aspect of my disability was no longer in how I behaved. Years of traditional counseling didn’t help. How could it? By the time I’d realize I better use the strategies I was learning, my episode would be over.

Friends are the most important result of my having Bio Feedback. Friends are the most important things we can have, both in good times and in hard times.

Something my grandpa used to say emphasizes the importance of being  friendly and helpful, “Honey will draw more flies than vinegar.”

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To hire Al to share his humor and motivation at your event, or to participate in his seminar, click here to contact him. He’ll customize any of these  topics for your event.

Good Attitudes Seemed Easy

Is your Attitude an asset or a liability? What does an Attitude asset look like?

Until coming out of my coma shortly after my 19th birthday, I didn’t concern myself much with the importance of Attitude. My Attitude was  fine, so I didn’t think about it. However, a disabling motorcycle crash yanked away my good Attitude and replaced it with an Attitude of fear and resentment.

I believe my circumstances at birth, which included sound physical and mental health and a loving family, accounted for my originally good attitude. Replace my physical health and strength with paralyses and brain damage and what was left was a 19 year old kid with an angry and depressed Attitude.

Building Strong Attitudes

I wasn’t aware of the power of Attitudes, at first. All I knew was my angry depression made me terrible company. So not only was I angry and depressed, I was lonely.

Although useful in many settings, at first, will power seems like it would be about as useful in improving one’s Attitude as it is in falling asleep. However, will power can be very useful in improving one’s Attitude, if it is used correctly.

Attitude Toolkit

Historical looks at the success of folks like Abraham Lincoln, who persisted through failure after failure in running for political offices until he was finally elected president and Walt Disney’s persistent efforts to grow his business despite numerous setbacks, show the power of a persistent Attitude. My experience relearning how to walk and talk also show how useful an Attitude of perseverance can be.

But relearning to walk and talk is kid’s stuff. Babies learn to walk and talk. Attitudes are useful for far more than accomplishing these basic skills. Relearning to walk and talk showed me that having an Attitude of persistence and of humble willingness to listen to instructions can lead to learning complicated  skills.

I may not be as quick of a learner as I’d like to be, but if I persist long enough, if I maintain a Winners Don’t Quit Attitude, I will learn to effectively use social media. Just like I eventually learned to walk without falling so much and talk without needing to repeat most of what I said, I will also learn to efficiently use social media. In answer to my original question, an Attitude Asset is a correctly focused Attitude of perseverance.

My Attitude’s effect on my ability to maintain relationships is every bit as significant as on my ability to comprehend and eventually own new information. Relationships may not be essential to live, but relationships are a big part of what makes life worth living.

Winners Don’t Quit!

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To hire Al to share his humor and motivation at your event, or to participate in his seminar, click here to contact him. He’ll customize any of these  topics for your event.

My latest experience speaking at a Rotary Club, in at least one way, was like all the others: Associating with Rotary Club members always reminds me of the importance of having a Caring attitude of acceptance and respect, Service Above Self.

If the world lived according to the same caring standards of honesty and mutual respect that govern 32,000 rotary clubs around the globe, everybody would have:

• More peace of mind,
• Fewer apologies to make,
• More grateful friends and neighbors.

Rotary’s 1.2 million members believe it starts with a commitment to Service Above Self.

Rotary Characteristics

Over the past 15 years, I have spoken to Rotary Clubs of many sizes. Sizes may change, and locations may change, but two characteristics common to every Rotary Club I’ve ever been in are the high levels of professionalism and the caring respect that club members extend not only to each other, but to guest speakers and to club visitors. Service Above Self.

Last week I enjoyed the privilege of speaking in the Tukwila Rotary Club in Tukwila, Washington. This is one of the smaller Rotaries, but the same spirit of professionalism and caring service characteristic of the larger clubs is alive and well in Tukwila.

Pictures from Tukwila Rotary Club

Like happens in Rotaries around the globe, as a guest with plans to become a member of their club, my partner Bonnie Robinson and myself were welcomed with open arms and treated to a most delicious breakfast by former caterer, current web designer/club member who is about to become the club’s next president, Annetta Washington Goff.

The Rotary’s Personal Appeal

Rotary Clubs are an ideal role model in professional and polite behavior. Their list of international humanitarian accomplishments are clear to everyone who visits their website http://www.rotary.org. The values they encourage on an international global level are the same type of values the C in my A-B-Cs encourage on an individual level.

• A – Accept the book you’ve been given – live until you die.
• B – Believe you can write a happy ending – lighten up.
• C – Care about others.

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To hire Al to share his humor and motivation at your event, or to participate in his seminar, click here to contact him. He’ll customize any of these  topics for your event.

Say you were born with disabilities or with a dark lenses covering your eyes. Everything you saw or believed about yourself was either tinted or in someway askew. Say you didn’t know that what you believed was not the same reality everybody else believed.

Imagine being told there are certain things that were physically impossible for you. If that’s all you ever heard, would you believe it? Of course. Why wouldn’t you?

Reality, of course, could be something very different! But not you’re reality. Not the reality you believed in.

You might say, I know myself better than anyone. Who knows me better than I do? This seems like believable logic, but psychologists and psychiatrists tell us that the hardest person to evaluate objectively is ourselves.

There’s Power in Belief

As long as you believe that the world is gray, you’ll miss lots of beautiful colors. As long as you believe people don’t like you, as long as you believe you don’t have anything to offer, you’ll find evidence to back up those beliefs.

Remember the myth around the four-minute mile? People believed it was impossible for a human being to run a mile in less than four minutes, but Roger Banister did it in 1954. Within a year, 37 other runners did it. And the next year, 300 more runners did it. They were no longer held back by the belief that it was impossible.

Imagine seeing everything through a mental telescope that is focused on your limitations. With those beliefs, would it be possible to realize your full potential at whatever you were doing?

Beliefs Create Perceptions

Believe in Possibilities

There is not a more powerful force on this planet than the power of belief. Our beliefs have the power to create and to destroy. What we believe can give us a life of peace or a life of chaos.

Have you heard of the placebo effect? Told a drug will have a certain effect, people will often experience that effect even when given a sugar pill that has no medicinal properties.

Since our beliefs determine how much of our potential we can tap, we should examine our beliefs carefully. Do you believe that you can excel in whatever you do? Do you believe you are smart? Do you believe people like you? Do you believe life is full of opportunities or limitations? What are your beliefs about strong points and about your disabilities?

Beliefs are not right or wrong. Beliefs are either empowering or limiting. Beliefs are based on past experiences and may be different for different people. Our behaviors are based on our beliefs. To change a particular behavior, change the beliefs behind that behavior and a new behavior results.

Which of your beliefs are enabling and empowering and which of your beliefs are disabling and limiting?

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To hire Al to share his humor and motivation at your event, or to participate in his seminar, click here to contact him. He’ll customize any of these  topics for your event.

Wayne Being Goofy

Have you ever gone from an easily accepted place of believing your a valuable winner to an unacceptable place of believing you’re worthless? How did you get yourself out of the disabling negativity associated with believing you’re worthless? How did you begin seeing yourself as a winner?

In hindsight, I believe the process started early in my recovery as I passed through the first three of the seven stages of grief. The Shock/Denial—Pain/Guilt—Anger/Bargaining stages are kind of a blur. My mind didn’t reengage until I was firmly on the fourth stage: Depression/ Loneliness. As long as I focused on rebuilding my life, I couldn’t get past this stage.

Attitude Coaches

Sounds odd to say that I was trying too hard, but I couldn’t get past feeling depressed and lonely until I quit focusing on myself and my goals.

Wayne's the Man

I believe my visits back to the Depression/Loneliness stage are brief and seldom because I have Attitude coaches, as many as possible. They help me believe in my value.

For years, my main Attitude Coach has been Wayne who had a motorcycle crash a few years after I had my 1980 crash. I visit Wayne in the long term nursing facility where he lives. Wayne is completely immobile. He can’t talk. He eats through a tube to his stomach.

Wayne can smile, and Wayne can move one hand. We play blackjack, have one sided conversations, listen to concerts in the cafeteria where we play bingo and other games. Wayne sees me and smiles the biggest smile I have ever seen. When I visit Wayne, I’m helping him by giving him some variety and some positive interaction. Wayne is a great example of how powerful an attitude of acceptance is. Wayne is my Attitude Coach.

What You Believe Matters

Do you believe yourself to be a kind and helpful person? The more kind and helpful I become, the easier my rehab journey is and the more valuable I believe myself to be. The more valuable I believe myself to be, the happier I become.

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To hire Al to share his humor and motivation at your event, or to participate in his seminar, click here to contact him. He’ll customize any of these  topics for your event.