How do you rebuild?
The challenging core of the change that required me to rebuild was the ominous unknown.
In your experience of a crash shaped change, you may have felt that your very identity was taken from you. That’s how I felt.
Besides changing me, my crash created questions to which there seemed no answers: Who am I now? What do people think of me? What do I do with myself now? Can I actually start over?
As you sort through your questions, you’re trying to re-integrate your sense of self into your daily activities. Much of the emotional pain of failure, disappointment, divorce, loss, trauma comes from this disconnection in your self-identity. Reintegrating means finding a path to follow, a self you can be happy with, that includes your experience of loss, without the emotional pain and without feeling inadequate..
Grieving isn’t Just for the Weak
Rebuilding could only begin after I successfully grieved and accepted what had happened. Grieving a loss allows for healing. Just like a broken bone is stronger where it heals, accepting the loss-accepting life on life’s terms-makes us emotionally and psychologically stronger. Courage and insight are products of the rebuilding process, kind of like resistance training gives you strength and endurance.
After my crash, before I regained my confidence and my peace of mind, I had to face and incorporate into my identity the loss that I had experienced. My formula for adapting and rebuilding includes: 1) Accept your loss, 2) Believe you can rebuild and start over, and 3) Care about others, as the new you. The end product is to accept what you cannot change by focusing on helping others and on what is left not what was lost.
Change is the only consistent thing in life. Change makes being adaptable a necessity.
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